HAVING, NEEDING, & ASKING (but not necessarily in that order!)

I used to think that other people would somehow know when I needed encouragement. I used to expect other people to be mind-readers. Or so clued in to the subtle signals I was giving off. I used to think that God would prompt someone's heart to encourage me if I really needed it. And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19) So, if I don't have it, I don't need it. Right? Maybe. Really truly, maybe. There are times when that is absolutely true. There are other times, however, when I have not because I ask not. (James 4:2) It is one thing to ask God. And, that is truly where we must start. He is the Giver of all good things. It is another thing to ask others. And that, traditionally, has been very hard for me.

I have been learning what it means to ask for encouragement. For the last 6 months or more, my two oldest kids and I have been going for a 5 mile run/bike-ride almost every Sabbath day. In an effort to rest and be refreshed, we head off to the local park, and I run while they ride their bikes. [This may seem counter-intuitive, but we have found that exercising on Sabbath is quite good for our well-being!] For the last 3 months or so, we have been trying to break our time record every week. In other words, we hope to run each week a little faster than the previous week. It hasn't proven to be too hard for them (as they are on bikes, remember!) but it is quite a challenge for me to shave off seconds every week!

Several weeks ago, on our way to the park, I said "Hey guys, I am not feeling very much like I can do this today, so I could use some encouragement when you think of it." Now, this was a big step for me. I asked for help. I asked for encouragement. But, disappointingly, nothing happened. We went all 5 miles, me struggling to muscle up hills, or desperately trying to catch my breath, and they offered no encouragement.  And, I was tempted to think they didn't care. I was tempted to throw a giant pity party. Poor me. I asked for encouragement and got none. I guess I'll go eat worms...

But instead, the next time I took a different approach. I didn't throw out a vague "I might get discouraged sometime perhaps maybe on this run, so if you think of it, you might just offer me some encouragement." No. This time, I asked for encouragement when I needed it. When I was struggling to run up a long hill, and I felt like I wanted to just stop and walk, I recognized my need. I called out to my son who was leisurely pedaling in front of me: "Hey! I could use some encouragement!" Boy, was that humbling. Instead of saying, "I might want to give up sometime." I was saying, "I want to give up right now." That is much more specific, and vulnerable. And, it was risky. He could have not responded or given me what I had been candid enough to say I specifically needed. That would have left me feeling even worse than if I had never asked at all.

But, something incredible happened. My son straightened up in his bike seat a little. He seemed a little taller, a little more mature. He slowed down and rode alongside me. He encouraged me specifically. He cheered me on. And, we got up that hill together. And, we beat our record. And, I know it was because of his encouragement. I know I wouldn't have been able to do it without him.

I think sometimes we don't ask for what we need, because we don't take time in the moment to recognize what we need.

I think sometimes we don't ask because we are proud. We'd rather people not know how much we are struggling, or how we are currently feeling.

I think sometimes we don't ask because we are afraid to risk. If we ask and they reject us, that will hurt even worse than not asking in the first place.

I think sometimes we don't ask because we don't want to need others.

But we do.

And I think a lot of times, we don't have, because we don't ask.

If you need encouragement, right now, will you take a step? Humble yourself, and ask someone you believe cares for you to give you some encouragement. Please. See what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised, like I was. :)